While talking to myself recently, we both decided it was time to clean up my 700 plus Facebook friends. After all, do I even know that many people? If somehow I did, how many of them would I even call friends? So last Monday was the day I designated as Unfriending Facebook Friends Day.
I was excited. I never suspected that being mean to people I once called friends could provide such a rush. I opened up my friends’ list and prepared to go to work. Because this all started over a conversation with myself, I talked to myself as I worked.
Me: (Looking a photo of a homely looking girl trying to look like Charlize Theron) Ok, how about her?
Myself: Hmm…nah, she commented on your status once. I think. That means she’s at least interested in what you have to say. You can’t delete her, it’s just not right.
Me: Then how about him?
Myself: Well…er…You worked with him at your old job. That was, let’s see, nine years ago but you still have that circle of friends so if you delete him your absence would surely be noticed.
After thirty minutes, I was only down three friends. My numbers were still above 700, still way too high. I decided to try another approach. I imagined myself walking, say in the mall, and bumping into one of these 700 plus friends. Which ones would I say a cursive hi to and which ones would I go over, hug or shake hands and engage in a conversation with? Or worst yet, which ones would I duck behind a clothes rack to avoid? Now that’s a good way to judge who are really my friends so off we go! back to deleting friends!
Me: (Looking at a picture of some guy named Doug) Should I delete him?
Myself: Um, let me see, he’s living back in St. Vincent and you haven’t been back there for a long time. You used to be friends with his older brother but not really friends with him.
Me: So should I or not?
Myself: Well how about if you were to go back home to visit do you think you would like to have a chat with him? After all, most of your friends have migrated and you won’t know too many people there anymore. Maybe leave him just in case.
This is harder than I thought.
Me: Aha! I got a candidate for deletion right here, this woman that added me not too long ago, let’s take a look at her profile.
Myself: Aww…poor lady only has a handful of friends she needs all the friends she could get.
Me: Oh look! Read this guy’s status. Funny or what? I barely know him but he sure comes up with some dandy statuses.
Myself: You have to keep him but next time, he goes. Dandies or not.
I really thought this would have been much easier. What’s so hard about going through some names and clicking ‘unfriend’? Let’s try this from the top one more time. Come one, I seriously don’t need 700 plus friends!! Ok, here I come…
Me: Who is this girl living in Brazil? She has to go for sure. Just because she’s a friend of a friend that’s a friend of one of our International students doesn’t mean she’s my friend. She has got to go.
Myself: Look again. That’s not who you think it is. This is that girl you used to teach her in school back in St. Vincent. She was a very intelligent girl too, remember? Let’s creep her profile for a bit. No, no, not creep, let’s peruse her profile. What? She had a kid? And married? I bet you didn’t know that.
Me: It did not show up on my feed. I should change my settings so I see her feeds. No wait a minute! I was supposed to be unfriending her. On never mind, that when I thought she was from Brazil.
Myself: She looks really beautiful in this shot. You have to show Amie this photo of your former student.
Me: I guess she’s staying for a while too and there’s no way that hot blonde who I don’t know from Adam, is getting deleted. HELLLOO! have you seen the pics she puts up after she parties?
On that note, I started getting nauseous from scrolling through 700+ pics. Well 695. Would have been 694 but when I logged into my account to see how many I had, there waiting for me was a friend request from someone I knew from back home. Haven’t seen her in forever. I wonder how she’s doing? I could always add her, creep her page then delete her. I added her.
Maybe next time I should do this all by myself.
- Men and Women ‘Add Friend’ and ‘Unfriend’ Differently on Facebook [INFOGRAPHIC] (mizwhiz.com)
- Unfriend (failbook.failblog.org)
- Subject of unfriending doesn’t understand it (thesudburystar.com)
- Facebook Privacy