My Ever Shrinking Clothes

Mrs. Carlos Wilson, wife of miner, washing clo...

I am not getting bigger from eating or from body building, so why are my clothes shrinking?  Good question to which I will offer a plausible answer.  You see my good wife does the laundry.  What does that have to do with anything, Carlos?  You ask.  Well the wife is everything a man could want from a wife.  Good cook, great mom, accountant, planner, you name it, but doing laundry is her Achilles heel.  Yep, this time it’s her not me.

Amie, my wife, loads the washer by turning the clothes hamper upside down and emptying its contents in the machine without bias.  White, Colors, Wool, Linen, no material gets special treatment here.  Washing instructions on labels are ignored in the process.

In the dryer goes my Aeropostale sweater, my favorite hoodie, my new white t-shirt.  “Tumble Dry Only!” Screams the label on my hoodie, but that is ignored as the poor sweater huddled closer to my Aeropostale for comfort.  ”

The heat! It will shrink us!”  They scream to no avail.

A few days later, I put on my hoodie then stands in front of the mirror looking like an older version of Urkel. My wrists are an expanse of exposed flesh with the sleeves clinging to them like a bracelet. Egad!  My Aeropostale looks to have made it out unscathed until I turn around and saw the back of it flirting with the top of my jeans.  I yanked it down unsuccessfully as it springs right back up to its original nesting place. Woe is me. My black comfy knitted sweater, too tight.

Did I mention that I have yet to find fault with her jeans washing?


About Enigma

I am just a normal guy with an abnormal way of thinking. Proud father to three remarkable boys and devoted husband to an angelic wife who knows everything and does everything to perfection. So I am BLESSED!
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