Ok I know what you are thinking, oh no not another one! Kill it already! I understand. I agree with you, the first two were not too bad but then it got ridiculous after. But who are we to decide when to kill off a franchise? Without further ado, I present to you, Home Alone 5, Alone In The Dark, currently filming in Winnipeg.
Last night I got a call from a casting agency (when you are a big movie star like I am, you get calls all hours of the night) in need of my notorious skills as a silent extra. They must have seen me in Beethoven 7. Had to be. The way I chased those bad men and foiled their plans to steal Christmas is legendary stuff. The kind of tales spoken around camp fires. The Silent Extra they called me.
So anyways, here I am fielding a wake up call in the middle of night, (Know any good agents?) asking for me to play a detective in the latest installment of the Home Alone series. I gave it some thought and after maybe a half a second, I agreed. The Silent Extra would ride again. It didn’t matter that I was not given ample warning. When you are a big star, warning is not afforded. It’s not like I have to learn a script. They wanted me on the set in less than 24 hours and I have no problem with that. It also didn’t matter that I would not be uttering a word. It’s part of my contract, I speak, my pay increases.
This morning, I woke up too early and spent an hour choosing suits that would best pull off a detective look. I shaved and trimmed and pluck my eyelashes (just kidding, calm down). It was a bit of a pain in the rear dragging out three pairs of suits, a leather jacket, a pair a shoes and a bag of ‘stuff’ to the car. Apparently I have to bring ‘options’ just in case. Then I also had to make sure I was well fed as I was going to the set right after work. Which translated to about 16 hours of work today.
Unfortunately, I won’t be seeing my boys today. I can’t go a day without seeing them so I would have to make some phone calls between takes. It’s just the life of a movie star and I have to take the bad with the good. The good thing is they get to see Daddy play the good guy in yet another movie. At this rate, I am going to be a BIG STAR, sorry, I meant a BIGGER STAR and all these blogs are going to be worth a lot of money. Before you go all negative Nelly on me, Charlie Chaplain made a lot of cash and he never had speaking parts so why can’t I?
I am sweating with anticipation…