Have you ever looked in your wife’s or girlfriend’s purse? Heck, if you are a woman, have you ever looked in your own purse? Well I have, (No, not looked in your purse, my wife’s) and I wished I didn’t. It’s like stepping into the twilight zone. Like opening up a door that leads to another realm. Like Alice In Wonderland. Like stepping into another universe. It’s like rifling through your rich neighbor’s garbage. (They have got to be rich to put their garbage in Gucci containers).
A few days ago, I couldn’t find the keys to the car. As my wife is usually the culprit when things go missing, I immediately consulted her. She told me that she thinks it may be in her purse and I should look in there. My blood pressure immediately went up a notch. No, not the purse. Please no! Let it be in her jacket pocket like they were last time. The less interaction I had with the purse, the better it is for me.
I continued to look elsewhere for the keys just in case she was wrong and it wasn’t in The Purse. One could only put off the inevitable for so long so there I was hovering over my wife’s purse hoping that the keys, if they were in there, would somehow float right out without my intervention, like the magicians do it.
Unfortunately, I was no David Blaine. The keys remained right where they were, disobediently snuggled in The Purse. I had to go in. I grabbed The Purse like I was holding a live crab and gingerly undid the latch. I held my breath as I flip the flap over to show the contents…I think I also closed my eyes, I’m not sure so don’t quote me on that one. When The Purse’s flap was laid back, the interior was exposed to my eyes.
I reached in…What’s this? A cigar? When did my wife started smoking? Oh never mind. I saw a soother that was not used for at least 3 years. Toys, makeup, eyeliner, flattened granola bars, baby diapers, (Way too small), golf ball, kid’s sweater or a jacket, baby shoes, pack of tissues, band aid…I gave up taking inventory when I saw what I was looking for, the keys. Next time, it might be easier to just step into the purse and look around but I am hoping there is no next time.
Now I know why my poor wife suffers back pain, she totes around a small house. Maybe I should be a nice husband and get her a cargo carrier…or a suitcase.
- 5 Things You Should Always Have in Your Purse (fabsugar.com)
- How Many Lip Products Are in Your Purse Right Now? (bellasugar.com)
- A purse or luggage? (scatteringmoments.wordpress.com)