As I walked through Home Depot wearing some old winter boots that I found in the garage and hurriedly slipped my feet into, I thought in panic, “What if someone I know sees me?” I was also wearing my old trusty and comfy hoodie and was sporting a five o’clock shadow. No need to shave every day, who I am I impressing? The laces on my boots were hanging almost to the ground as I was just too lazy to tie them. After all I was just running in and out.
I once put effort into looking good and looked good. At least I thought I looked good. There was a time when I would not be caught dead wearing those shoes out in public, or anywhere else for that matter. But those days I had something that I don’t have now and now I have something I didn’t have then. Back then I had time and no kids. Now I have kids and no time. Got it?
I am not even sure when it happened. Did it sneak up on me suddenly or gradually? Was it after the second kid? Or was it the third? It surely wasn’t the first. Don’t get me wrong, I still try to keep up a vestige of my former self. I buy nice clothes and shoes but instead of wearing them, they decorate my closet like mannequins on hangers. Well I really don’t have time to go anywhere, do I?
At the start of the year, I decided to halt my deterioration. I would start getting back to being me. I would make time for myself and do the things that I liked to do. So I made resolutions. I vowed to work out 5 days a week, teach myself to play the guitar, if I could find it under the dust that it had collected. I also decided to finally write a book.
It didn’t take long for my resolutions to get revised and condensed. I decided to spend an hour or so at least three times a week with the boys after school to work on reading, writing and math. That’s a big stretch as they have Muay Thai two evenings and swimming and piano lessons. Maybe I could do some dumbbell curls while overseeing their work? Or take the guitar along to Azur’s indoor soccer games on Sunday? As for writing, the blog would have to do for now. It’s almost like writing a book, isn’t it?
Don’t for one moment think that I am complaining about my lot. To me it’s like a battle scar, something to be proud of. Being this busy and hectic makes me enjoy the little glimpses of freedom. Those date nights with the Amie, the evenings when she doesn’t work, those alone times when she takes the kids shopping, when they finally fall asleep and I have an hour to write a blog, when I actually get to wear that shirt I got last Christmas. Bliss!
With great determination, I am sure I could get in a workout and a guitar practice and maybe even a chapter or two a night but then I would be sacrificing my beauty sleep. Not that it is a priority anymore.