My Dentist Is A Pain In The…Mouth

dental_cleaning_cartoonI had a dental appointment yesterday for cleaning.  My teeth felt nice and clean. Flossed and brushed to a sparkling porcelain. Oh yeah, that’s before my appointment. I hadn’t been to the dentist for almost a year so I had to at least make my teeth look like I was taking care of them. As if a couple of minutes brushing and flossing would erase a year of neglect…

The dental hygienist was nice. Aren’t they always? She greeted me cheerily and led me to the electric chair.  Literally.  “Here’s the remote, you can watch whatever you want.” Why do they always say that too?  I fell for it! I scanned the channel guide and settled in to watch ‘The Big Bang Theory’. “So, any plans for the summer?”  Seriously? Did you just ask me a question when you told me I could watch tv? How could I watch if you are going to ask me questions?

While she deftly probed the sanctuary of my mouth she asked me questions and made remarks that I could only grunt in response. I was also able to manage appropriate throat laughter.  Or at least I thought they sounded appropriate.

Like I said, it was almost a year between visit and boy did I ever pay for staying away that long. I winced as she speared my gum with the torture tools of pain.  Why are you doing this to me, woman? Why?  By now watching tv was out of the question. Between grunts and throat laughs mingled with winces of pain, I had no time for Sheldon and his pals.

When it was all over, she apologized profusely and I like a gracious host or an attempt to be macho, brushed it off with a ‘Nah, it’s no problem. I am fine.  Don’t worry none.” She must have seen right through me as she kept on apologizing.

Don’t blame yourself, lady. It was all my fault. Thanks for being so thorough and talking me through a rather unpleasant and painful experience. I doubt Sheldon could have made me more comfortable.  See you again soon. Real soon…



About Enigma

I am just a normal guy with an abnormal way of thinking. Proud father to three remarkable boys and devoted husband to an angelic wife who knows everything and does everything to perfection. So I am BLESSED!
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